• Being More Specific
• Comparison Paragraphs
• Decisions
• Description: Model
• Descriptive Writing
• Essay Evaluation
• Expressions for use with Description
• Getting Started (Personal and Intellectual)
• How to write a description of an object
• Model Organization for a Personal Experience Essay
• Power Words
• Sample Essay
• Setting Up an Argument
• Skeleton Story
• Some Sample "Personal Essay" Topics
• Some Suggestions for Writing an "Intellectual Essay"
• Suggestions for Writing a "Personal Experience" Essay
• The Writing Process
• Tips for the TOEFL Writing Section
• Writing Paragraphs
Being More Specific
The key is perception and observation. Many people see or experience the same thing, but describe it differently. For example, what did you see when you walked into the classroom this morning?
Incorporate these things into your writing. (You don't have to use them all.) As Jill trudged into the classroom this morning, panting after her long climb up the 35 step staircase, she sensed a feeling of excitement in the air. The eager students were chatting noisily above the steady hum of the air conditioner. One young man had drawn back the thick curtains and was watching the activity in the street below. Another was taking aim at the unsuspecting student's right ear with a paper airplane. The teacher was nowhere in sight. Don't ignore details, capture them.
SHOW the reader, don't just tell him/her. SPECIFIC is terrific. VERBS 1. He walked into the room. tiptoed , stomped, sauntered, crept, rushed, waltzed 2. The girls talked. chatted noisily, whispered, conversed, shouted NOUNS Pay attention to specific parts rather than overuse adjectives. 1. The young woman was beautiful. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Her hair . . . 2. The watch indicated the time. The second hand ticked away slowly as the electronic buzzer announced one o'clock . |
Comparison Paragraphs
Which of these paragraphs is more interesting? (A. or B.) Why? A. Skiing is a wonderful sport. A lot of people love to ski in the winter time. I want to tell about an exciting experience I had last year while skiing in Colorado. B. The winter sun was shining over the steep Colorado mountains. The air was crisp and the cool breeze gently touched my cheeks. I pulled my fur coat tightly around my body, fastened my ski goggles, and listened for the sound of the starting gun. A. Last semester I met a good-looking guy in the cafeteria. We have become good friends since then. I am so happy to come to BYU-Hawaii because I can meet so many nice people from different countries. B. "Is this seat taken?" a gentle voice behind me asked. I slowly turned around to see who it could be. There, smiling and holding the typical brown cafeteria tray, was the most handsome guy I had ever seen. My heart skipped a beat as I muttered a quick "Yes, ah, I mean No, it's not taken." A. There was a fire in the dorm last Saturday morning. I couldn't believe it. Someone left a rice cooker plugged in and it started a fire. The security guard was really upset about the incident. B. Last Saturday morning, I was awakened by the sound of sirens outside my window. I quickly looked around my small dorm room. My roommate's bed was empty and I could smell something strange in the air. Suddenly, I started coughing. Then I realized what the strange smell was. Smoke was coming from the room next door. |
Decisions
1. Tense (Dominant)
Past: Present: |
telling a story describing past occurrences, events, conditions giving information, relating facts describing regular occurrences making comments, giving opinions, drawing conclusions |
Present progressive/continuous:
describing action in progress (now)
2. Vocabulary
Choice of words depends on:
audience (Who are you writing to?)
self (What are you comfortable with?)
appropriateness (What are the best words to express your ideas?)
3. Sentence structure
Simple Compound Complex |
S V (O) S + V, and S + V Extra Word S V, S + V |
John read a book. John read a book, and Mary wrote a letter. While John read a book, Mary wrote a letter. |
4. Paragraph/Essay organization
Time order (chronological)
Spatial order
Order of importance
Steps
Point: Example
Topic: Support
5. Your decisions depend on:
A. Purpose
Why are you writing this?
to inform
to tell a story
to persuade
to instruct
to entertain
B. Audience
Whom are you writing to?
children
experts
your peers
educated people
laborers
the general public
REMEMBER:
You control the language you use.
It does not control you.
Description: Model
The IMS TH-100L diskette storage box is excellent for storing your important computer disks. It can hold up to 100 disks at a time and is made of durable plastic. It comes with a metal lock and key for security and a transparent covering for quick reference. The case is also equipped with eight removable dividers which make filing a cinch. The storage box is lightweight, so it can be transported easily and with maximum protection to your floppies. Make the IMS TH-100L diskette storage box a part of your workplace today. No computer programmer should be without one. |
Descriptive Writing
Begin with ideas, not grammar. Grammar is only a tool. Choose the words and structure to express your ideas. You have power and control over your grammar and words, not the other way around. Writing is a discovery and development process. Sometimes you have to write things down in order to "discover" what your ideas are. Then, by looking at your ideas on paper, you can see them from a different perspective, and this enables you to think about and develop those ideas even further. For descriptive writing, take notes to identify your ideas. Be specific. Write as many details as possible. Use the five senses to discover what is/was going on around you. What did you see, hear, touch, smell, or taste? (external factors) Also, consider what is/was going on inside of you. What are/were your thoughts, feelings, motivations? (internal factors) What are/were your actions? (actions often manifest your thoughts and feelings) Once you have written down detailed notes of internal and external factors, look carefully over your notes to decide which ones can be incorporated and used in your description. You decide Point of view Dominant tense Simple present Simple past Word choice Order Chronological (time) Spatial (by location) Order of importance Other |
Essay Evaluation
Good points
Development of ideas
Paragraph structure
Creativity
Things to watch for:
Clarity
Sentence Structure
Parallelism
Phrasing
Repetition
Vocabulary
Variety and correct word choice
Expressions for Use with Descriptions
Sentences:
It is . . .
This is something . . .
It's something that you . . .
You can (verb) it.
You can (verb) with it.
You can use it to (verb).
It is used for V + ing.
You need it for V + ing
You need/use it when . . .
If you want/need to (verb), then you can . . .
Questions:
Is it . . . ?
What do you do with it?
What is it made of?
What is it used for?
What's the difference between A and B?
Getting Started
Personal: As I approached my house that cold February morning, I had a feeling that something was not right. I slowly brought my small red bicycle to a stop, then looked around to see if anything was unusual. Everything looked normal. The wind was softly blowing through the trees and snow was lightly falling on the hard, slippery path which led to my front door. Before I could take out my key, I noticed that the door was already open. I gently pushed on it and quietly stepped inside. "Mom, I'm home," I called, expecting to hear my mother's cheery voice in reply. There was no answer. I could smell roast turkey coming from the kitchen, so I started to walk in that direction. I could hear footsteps in the living room. "Mom, is that you?" I whispered. Silence. I turned my head in the direction of the sound. Then I saw something that made my heart stand still. Intellectual: One of the biggest decisions a young person has to make is whether or not to attend college after high school graduation. It is very easy to get a job near your home town and start working. The paychecks come in quickly and before long, you become independent and can start buying things like cars, nice clothes, and other luxuries. But in the long run, are you really better off than those who have to struggle with tests, tuition and term papers? I doubt it. I firmly believe that even though college students have a lot of difficulties getting through school, they are much better prepared for life than those who never attend college or university. |
How to Write a Description of an Object
Notes
Vocabulary
Parts Materials Properties Functions |
(What are they?) (What is it made of?) (What characteristics/qualities does it have?) (Why are these qualities important?) (uses) |
What can you do with it (i.e. you can lock it or it can be locked [by you])
Purpose
Why are you writing this?
to sell something
to entertain
to inform
Audience
Whom are you writing to?
| friends coworkers |
children educated people |
the general public |
Model Organization: Personal Essay
| Introduction: The winter sun was shining over the steep Colorado mountains. The air was crisp and the cool breeze gently touched my cheeks. I pulled my fur coat tightly around my body, fastened my ski goggles and listened for the sound of the starting gun. Body: Details of the Skiing Competition Conclusion: From this experience, I learned that no matter how hard something is, you should never give up. If I had given in to my tired muscles and the freezing temperatures on that eventful day, I would never have won the competition. But because I kept going despite the many obstacles in my way, I was able to bring home that shiny, first-place trophy. |
Power Words
| When writing, try to use words which convey ideas concisely. "Power words" can bring out your meaning clearly and directly. Note the following guidelines: 1. Use specific nouns and verbs There is a tall tree in back of my neighbor's house. A stately elm adorns Mr. Smith's back yard. He quickly opened the door and went out of the room. John exited the room quickly. John hurried out the door. 2. Be precise with adjectives and adverbs. Last week I really enjoyed visiting my grandmother at her house near the beach. I spent an enjoyable week with Grandmother at her beachside cabin. 3. Use specific images. He played the piano. His nimble fingers lightly touched the keys. 4. Combine sentences when possible. It is nice to be a student in the ELI program. We have a lot of opportunities to learn the language of English. Being students in the ELI program, we have many opportunities to learn English. As ELI students, we have many opportunities to learn the English language. The ELI program provides us myriad English study opportunities ... A good way to determine power word usage is to count the number of "power words" in a sentence and compare it to the number of "simple words." Underline the Power Words in the above sentences. What is the power/simple word ratio? |
Sample Essay
| Should University Students Have their Own Cars? Some students feel that a motor vehicle is an absolute necessity. They say that having a car makes life easier and gives them freedom to travel wherever they want. I completely disagree with this idea. Owning a car while in university is a waste of money and actually causes more problems than it solves. First of all, let's talk about money. On the average, students work twenty hours a week at $7.00 an hour. From their wages, they must pay for food, housing and tuition. A typical used car costs between $5000 and $9000. In addition to the initial price of the car, students must come up with money for gas, insurance and repairs, which often amount to hundreds of dollars a month. By the time they finish paying for their cars, students have little money left for daily expenses. Not only are cars expensive, but they also give students a lot of trouble. If a student drives downtown, for example, and something goes wrong with his car, he has to call friends from campus to help him fix the vehicle; unless, of course, he knows how to repair it himself. He ends up spending valuable time and money taking care of the car or pushing it to a service station to have it checked. Instead of the car being a time-saving device, it becomes a time and money-wasting inconvenience. Another disadvantage of owning a car is that everyone else wants to use it. So-called "friends" often ask if they can borrow the car to pick up someone from the airport or run to the mall to do some shopping. If they don't drive they ask you to take them in your car. You end up being a taxi driver instead of concentrating on your school work. An automobile, therefore, is definitely not essential for a university student. Unless, of course, he is super-rich and has a lot of time to waste running around. Otherwise, it can be a great burden which will end up costing the student a lot of time, money, and unnecessary trouble. Do you agree or disagree with this student's point of view? Write an essay outlining your answer to the question, "Should university students have their own cars?" |
Setting Up an Argument
|
Should guns be made legal?
Should television and movies be censored?
- Divide your paper into two parts: Pro (for) and Con (against)
- List your notes under each heading, i.e. what are the ideas that support the argument ( pro ) and what are the ideas that refute it (con)?
- Decide which side of the argument you will argue for, i.e. "Take a Stand".
- Organize your notes. You may choose to present your argument "50/50" pro/con or "80/20", but whatever you do, make sure you are responsible to the other side.
(Don't just give your opinions without recognizing those of others.)
- Remember to support your opinions with:
facts
statistics
evidence
examples
quotes
paraphrasing
experience
- Write your drafts(s).
- Revise and Edit
Skeleton Story
| Skeleton story (simple sentences / outline) 1. It was the middle of the night. 2. The weather was stormy. *3. Ned couldn't sleep. 4. He was hungry. 5. He got out of bed. 6. He went to the kitchen. 7. The switch didn't work. 8. The electricity was out. 9. He opened the refridgerator. *10. Suddenly, he heard a noise behind him. 11. He didn't turn around. 12. Something touched his shoulder. 13. He was scared. 14. He hesitated. 15. Then a voice spoke. *16. It was his wife. 17. She was hungry too. |
More creative, using details and imagery from the five senses: Ned opened his eyes and looked at the glowing light on his digital alarm clock. It was 2:30 a.m. The wind outside was blowing fiercely. The thunder sounded like a huge drum, and lightning flashed every few seconds. Ned couldn't sleep. . . . |
Task
Rewrite the skeleton story from the left using more complex sentences and details.
The first few lines have been written for you on the right. *Some sentences can be
left the same as the original, for variety's sake.
Some Sample Personal Essay Topics
Key words to look for:
Tell about
Describe
Relate
Event
Experience
Time/occasion
| l Is there anything in your past that you would like to change? How would you change it if you could? l Relate an exciting experience from which you developed a particular talent or interest. All of us learn from our failures as well as successes. What is something you gained from an unsuccessful experience? l Have you ever wanted something so badly that you would do anything to get it? How did you feel after you received or attained the thing that you desired? Did it make your life happier or more miserable? Tell about such an experience. l Who was the most influential person in your life? How did this person make you want to become better? |
Some Suggestions for Writing an Intellectual Essay
|
a. What? What is your honest opinion on the subject?
b. Why? Why do you think/feel the way you do about it?
- State your opinion clearly and directly in the first paragraph.
Then give details in the body of the essay to support your main idea or opinion.
Support comes in the form of details, examples, or personal experiences.
- For most intellectual essays, use simple present tense.
(Modals: can, should, would, etc. are also frequently used in these types of essays.)
- Do not deviate (get away from) your main idea which was stated in the first paragraph.
Make sure all examples, details, and experiences are related to and support the main idea.
- Each paragraph should talk about one part of the main idea of the essay.
- Use transition words to connect ideas together between paragraphs.
- Conclude by summarizing the main points of your essay or restating the main idea from the introduction.
Some Suggestions for Writing a Personal Experience Essay
|
| Remember: Also: |
see, hear, smell, feel, taste. emotions, thought, actions. (What were you thinking, feeling and doing?) |
- Conclude by telling what you learned from the experience.
- Don't worry about grammar. Take five minutes at the end to proofread your essay. (Reading aloud helps you catch your mistakes.)
- Remember: Specific is Terrific!
The Writing Process
| Generating Ideas First, make a decision: What is my topic? Second, limit the topic: What about the topic? Brainstorming "seeing " your ideas on paper Listing Clustering/Mind mapping Discussing with a partner "hearing" your ideas and others' viewpoints Form a "working" thesis statement It should be specific enough to deal with in a short essay.
Review ideas (from idea generation phase) Select relevant ones, add new ones. Organize ideas Outline. Arrange topic sentences to support thesis statement and details, examples, etc. to support topic sentences. Rough draft Thesis statement and body paragraphs mainly. Also, think of a way to focus the reader's attention on your thesis statement (introduction) and leave a lasting impression (conclusion). Write the essay "Rethinking" usually produces better results than merely copying the rough draft, but it is more challenging. Revise, revise, revise ! Overall essay Paragraph by paragraph Sentences Words |
Tips for the TOEFL Writing Section
1. Use present tense
For facts and observations
Cars are essential for life in the U.S.
Most people can benefit from higher education.
Opinions
I think (that) . . .
I believe (that) . . .
In my opinion . . .
2. Use past tense
To describe previous experiences
When I was in high school, . . .
My brother worked in a factory.
3. Use modals correctly
Guns should be banned from campus.
Cars can cause serious problems.
4. Check S - V relationship
Most of the people who live in Utah need cars for their everyday lives.
I lived on campus, and it was easy to get around without a car.
5. Check plurals and articles
Cars are important to most Americans.
The used car I bought was a bad investment.
6. Give details and examples to support your opinions
When I moved off campus, I had to buy a car. Whenever I left my house to go shopping or run errands, I had to travel a great distance. My car was the only means of transportation because I lived too far from the bus stop.
Some questions to ask before writing a topic sentence:
Journalistic Questions
Who?
What?
When?
Where?
Why?
How?
Is this too Broad/Narrow?
Is it clear?
How can I support this?
Will it predict what will come next in the paragraph?
Some questions to ask after writing a topic sentence/paragraph:
Journalistic questions (who, what, when, where…)
Can you give an example?
Can this be compared/contrasted to something?
Are there enough details?
How can I prove this? (I don’t believe you—prove it!)
Can you be more specific?
How is this organized?
Are the steps/parts clear?
What order does it follow?
Chronological (time sequence)
Spatial (on the right/at the top/next to the…)
Order of Importance (The most important…)
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